By a Long-Suffering, Wool-Covered Husband
Let me start by saying I love my wife. Truly. Deeply. Even when I find sock yarn in the freezer and stitch markers in my shoes. Being married to a knitter is like cohabitating with a very crafty squirrel—one who hoards wool instead of nuts and gets cranky when the skeins aren’t arranged by color, weight, and mood.
How was I to know she was a knitter? She didn’t even put it in her online profile.
So, for the sake of all partners who have ever been dragged into a yarn store “just for a second,” I present to you this public service announcement: The Care and Feeding of a Knitter. Read it, memorize it, knit it into a dishcloth if necessary.
1. Feeding: Diet Dr. Pepper, Chocolate, and Silence
Knitting is an extreme sport. Don’t let the tranquil clicking of needles fool you—there is real drama here. Dropped stitches. Tangled yarn. The existential despair of realizing your gauge is off by half a stitch per inch. So yes, snacks are required.
A proper knitter thrives on a steady stream of coffee (hot, strong, and constantly refreshed) or Diet Dr. Pepper, chocolate (dark, preferably hidden from the husband in the back of the pantry by the Oreos), and the occasional emergency Diet Dr. Pepper intervention when the pattern says “at the same time.” If she’s glaring at her chart and mumbling numbers under her breath, do not ask what’s for dinner. Slide a plate of something warm in her direction and back away slowly. Lock the cat in the bedroom!
2. Emotional Support: Nod, Smile, Pretend You Know What a Yarn Over Is
Knitting is more than a hobby. It’s a lifestyle. Possibly a religion. As the chosen partner of a knitter, you are expected to provide emotional support, even when you have no idea what’s happening. She will show you a project that looks like a blob of spaghetti crossed with a peacock and say, “Can you believe how this lacework is coming along?” You will say, “Absolutely! It’s breathtaking!” and you will mean it… even if you’re not sure which side is up.
When she frogged (knitting term: ripped out) 12 hours of work because the yarn wasn’t speaking to her, I did what any good husband does: I poured Diet Dr. Pepper, I didn’t ask questions, and I went to pick up pizza at Choo Choo’s. Sorry, it’s local to Northwest Arkansas. You will have to find your own alternative locally.
3. Yarn Store Protocol: Bring a Chair and a Charged Phone
Entering a yarn store is like stepping into another dimension—one where time stands still and money evaporates. You may think you’re just popping in to “look.” Rookie mistake. You’re not leaving until every skein has been lovingly squeezed, snuggled, and ranked on a scale of one to alpaca.
Yes, you will feel out of place. GET OVER IT!
Pro tip: pack a snack. Keep your phone charged. Find a bench near the register and settle in. If she asks your opinion on Malabrigo vs. Cascade, respond with a knowing nod and say, “The stitch definition on that one is just… chef’s kiss.” She’ll beam. You’ll have no idea what you just said. Everyone wins.
Living with a knitter is messy, cozy, sometimes confusing, and never boring. Our house may be covered in stray bits of yarn and half-finished cardigans, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Except maybe a night off from winding center-pull balls.
So be kind to your local knitter. She may have cold hands and a tangled project bag, but she’s also full of love, creativity, and the occasional pair of socks with your name on them. Literally.
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Until next time…
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